What a wonderful God we serve. This weekend, there were some major things God has been speaking directly to my heart and some major things He was trying to break through inside of me. With God’s work in our hearts always comes the attack of the enemy on what God’s trying to do; his lies, his reminders of hurt, his emphasis on your own rights and what you want and maybe even deserve. Let me just say it was full force… all of Saturday night and Sunday morning was just so overwhelming for me I didn’t really know what to do. It came to second service and I knew I had to go; I had to spend time with God on my own and take authority over things in my heart. I decided to go down to the beach. When I got there I had to go to the bathroom, I decided to go in the ferry terminal… when inside, God told me to take the ferry. I ran up the street to grab some Starbucks, left my cell phone behind and then bought myself a ferry ticket… taking full advantage of these last few months I can buy a youth fare which is almost a full $1.50 cheaper!
On the ferry I basked in the incredible display that Mt. Rainier provided crossing the water. Not only Rainier, but the Olympics, I’ve never seen them so defined and clear, and beautiful. It made me want to drive over to them again; I absolutely cannot wait until my next trip over there… hopefully not get in an accident this time. Still, again, beautiful.
The glory of the mountain was wrapped in a Bahamian display of reddish-pinks and blues, fading from one to another – the clouds were like smooth pebbles littering the pale sky. Soft white cotton, puffy and plump, climbed slyly up the mountain side; acting as if it had no chance of being caught in its attempt to reach the top. The mountain itself was clearly defined against a planetary peach, solid and surreal. A line of deep blue cloud masked the glow of the sun who christened the mountain cap… giving it a glow from behind the veil.
Once arriving in Kingston… I just walked up the street shops, stopped inside this crafty store called Clever. Inside, I talked to the store owner for a good half an hour at least. We discussed art, and inspiration, my career as a drifter at the moment, and even my trip to the Bahamas. I was able to share testimony of just some of the major changes God did down there, especially in the kids and just how amazing it was to me. It was an awesome opportunity to just get back to the roots of who God made me and make a connection with someone, being able to testify of my precious Jesus at the same time. After a good time with her, I continued up the hill. I saw a sign for an art gallery and made my way in excitedly. Some of the art in there was incredibly inspiring. My favorite piece showed a beach that looked so much like La Push with ships coming in at great speed on the rolling waves. It was loosely done with what looked like a mix of monoprints, mod podge, ink, and water color. The colors were of a very neutral but still vibrant mix. Majority of the negative space being white, it kept the piece simple but still having so much detail at the same time. Most of my time in the gallery, I spent looking at this piece, taking in as much of it as I could for as long as I could. Here too, I spent a good amount of time talking to the person running the place. We also talked about inspiration and just life as an artist, especially in our present world and economy. We talked about our society and what it’s like to experience different parts of the world and compare them to where we live… we talked about doing art for more than just money, most artists aren’t artists to be rich… we talked about the different artists that sold their work in the gallery and different aspects of their work that spoke to us; it was another very inspiring conversation.
Walking out of that gallery, I just felt so full. It was so great even to just be reminded of something so small that God’s given me, my talents. It was interesting because when I first got off the ferry, I just asked God to come and walk with me, to be right next to me and to speak to my heart. He was right next to me that whole time, just filling me and reminding me and showing me things about myself, encouraging me and pulling me in closer to Him.
Now, an hour or two has passed so I decided it was time to head back to the world. The ferry had not arrived yet, so I sat underneath one of the heater strips, gazing once more at the mountains, now the cascades, so beautifully laid out on the horizon. I couldn’t help but spend some time worshipping and then sat down and started to read Psalms out of the Message. People slowly began to filter into the holding station. First one lady with two roller packs, stiffly organized herself, taking off her gloves and sitting down, sighing as if it’s the first time she’s sat down in days. Another lady makes her way in; her steps were hasty and short. Her long smooth hair swung as she turned to face the doors while positioning herself under another heat strip. Her wrinkled face didn’t match the youth in her eyes. “We’ve had extremely warm weather this winter!” she exclaims with such enthusiasm I thought it was the greatest thing that has ever happened to her. The first woman, who I thought was entirely devoid of conversation from the expression on her face, was suddenly animated as she also exclaimed her excitement and agreement. They chattered about this like two old friends for a good amount of time as more people began to filter into the open windowed box that sat so quietly in the air as it waited for the ferry to come relieve it of these warm-bodied creatures who buried themselves in puffy materials and took so much pleasure in babbling noises that seemed to be their form of communication.
I sat silent, observing the mix of faces as they interacted, reading Psalms as nobody paid any extra mind to me. I noticed one lady, alone leaning against a post in the corner. Her all-black outfit simply lengthened her already too-thin body. Her short, cropped, dark hair framed her small, white, wrinkled face perfectly. It held it like two hands holding the face of a child. Her lips were crimson, a shade of lipstick I didn’t think anybody wore anymore… she watched everyone from where she stood… but not really watching.
“My choice is you, God, first and only. And now I find I’m your choice! You set me up with a house and a yard. And then you made me your heir!” –Psalms 16:5-6
My eyes passed over the scripture as an older woman sat herself down just one seat away from me. Her body was round which I’ve always thought was a strange thing to mix with height. It makes people giants, which she was too me… and I found it a comfort; I find an odd feeling of safety when I’m around tall people. She curiously peered over at my book… but not the same way a certain couple who stood only a few feet from me did. She looked over as if she might’ve recognized the text and wanted an affirmation that she also, had read what I was reading.
“God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes.” Psalms 18:24
I highlighted and then closed my Bible. Sitting back with a breath of fulfillment and satisfaction, she says with her exhale… “Oh, the Message! I love the Message!” Knowing, contrary to her sly glances, that this was the moment she was waiting for… I emphasized my agreement, not to disappoint her moment of triumph. We talked about the incredible literature in the message and how its contemporary language helps apply the scripture to our lives more so than NIV or KJV would.
As we dived deeper into conversation, she found out that I went to Westgate. She got excited and shared with me that she and her husband were going to try out Westgate the following week. I found out later that she had even been to Evergreen just that morning. She asked me what I was doing, where I was from, what I was up to. She and her husband were, same as me, just spending an afternoon with God in Kingston after church. Her husband, who was walking around, weighing his surroundings it seemed like, walked over to us, joining our conversation. Together we went into discussing the word and the Lord… church and my life… even as we made our way onto the ferry. Once inside, the stuffy hot air blowing into our faces as it also engulfed our bodies, swallowing us whole as a welcome; her husband made his way out onto the deck. Neither of us girls would dare, knowing the dangerously cold air would penetrate straight through to our bones.
Our conversation continued. We discussed more of our lives now, testifying of the things that God’s done and brought us through. Talking about how trials are never what they seem and they always bring us out to the exact place that God wants us to be. She shared how the past 6 months were simply trial and at first it was impossible and painful but now her and her husband know that God brought them through it for a reason and the outcome is so much better than anything she would have asked for. Being His children, we are to be trained and disciplined, which might sometimes feel like punishment… but its not, He does it because He loves us.
“My dear child, don’t shrug off God’s discipline, but don’t be crushed by it either. It’s the child he loves that he disciplines; the child he embraces, he also corrects. God is educating you; that’s why you must never drop out. He’s treating you as dear children. This trouble your in isn’t punishment; it’s training, the normal experience of children. Only irresponsible parents leave children to fend for themselves. Would you prefer an irresponsible God? We respect our own parents for training and not spoiling us, so why not embrace God’s training so we can truly live? While we were children, our parents did what seemed best to them. But God is doing what is best for us, training us to live God’s holy best. At the same time, discipline isn’t much fun. It always feels like it’s going against the grain. Later, of course, it pays off handsomely, for it’s the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God.” Hebrews 12:5-11 (the Message).
“Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.” James 1:2-4 (the Message).
Wanda (I learned was the woman’s name), loved hearing me share both of these scriptures. Returning to her previous excited statement about the perspective widening affects of the Message, repeats “don’t try to get out of anything prematurely,” stating how she would have never thought about it that way before… and how much impact that carried with her. Her husband shared how he always encourages people to, when in the midst of a valley, to just keep walking. I found it interesting and thrilling that he used those terms seeing as how that’s exactly what Pastor Alec preached about the previous Sunday. I shared with him just the concept of the steady pace when you keep walking… how you don’t speed up when it’s easy, nor do you slow down when it gets hard. No, you keep lifting one foot in front of the other and you keep a steady pace, not stopping when you face an obstacle, but continuing on until you find a way around it. He loved hearing that, mentioning how he never thought about it that way before and it just added to his perspective.
We thrived in conversation like this as the rocky trip came to an end, Wanda, in her wavering tone declared her surprise that it was over so fast, “We were just chattering away and now look, it’s the shortest ferry ride I’ve ever been on!” exchanging mutual, gladness at our having met, we said our goodbyes and how we hoped to see each other at church the next week… then proceeding down the ferry walkway. Reaching the frigid outdoors once again, I was halted at the crosswalk by honestly one of the longest trains I’ve ever had to wait for in my life. But it was the train, and the length of the train that was entirely perfect. It wasn’t until the very last few cars that Tom and Wanda finally made their way out of the terminal and to my side, at which point Wanda, as we start to walk, invites me out to coffee with the two of them. Walking up to café Vita, she graciously buys me my drink as we sit down and continue to another hour at least of just who God is and the things that He’s done and our different churches, exchanging testimonies of how far God has brought us and the changes He’s made.
It was such an encouraging time for me, such a time of just Jesus filling my heart to the brim with His goodness, speaking life into me through these people and establishing His work through my own words of testimony. I couldn’t have been more blessed in my afternoon. Thank You Lord that You are a God who loves me passionately, that You are a God who fills me and provides exactly what I need exactly when I need it. You are not a God who leaves me out on my own, but a God who sends legions of angels to fight on my behalf. Then, when I face the enemy to such an extent that I feel as if I might lose everything, you set up a table for me before my enemies, laughing… because You are a God who’s already won. The things that I face are but wisps of smoke to you, quickly dissipating without any real weight of importance; because in comparison with You, none of it matters. You are so much bigger, so much better, so much deeper. God I love You with all my heart. I thank You for the things that You’re doing in me and speaking to me… I am so excited to see what You have in store next. Thank You that You are God, and I am not.
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